Becoming

You ever think about the people who have made you who you are?
I am eternally nostalgic because I fail to update my music collection and like most females I am emotionally tied to the soundtrack of my life.
Right now I have been listening to the Dresden Dolls repeatedly. I would not necessarily recommend them to anyone else, but they speak to me. Something in that womans writing resonates with me. Her attitude, her fierceness, her carelessness.
She wants to be careless. To experience life through mistakes.

I think about the mistakes I have made in my life. Most of them (other than the debt) I would not trade. The people I have loved (although I think I could have done without the gay guy) , the friends I have loved and lost, the opportunities I took and fell on my face. I am grateful for all of them.

I have been wanting to blog for a while about closure. About that time when you know a chapter of you life is over and what made you move one. Like the day you were no longer crushed by someone else's opinion. Or the moment you realize the man you loved for so long is not as great as you always thought. And how you move on. But I have not been able to. I have not moved on. I am not able to say that I have passed it. I suppose some wounds will never heal. Or maybe its just that you always have the scars. I am able to say that I have been changed. I can easily see the threads that have woven me being into the woman I am today. And I want to say someday that the truth of anatomy is the truth of my being.

The scars are the strongest part.