Thursday, August 28, 2008

When It Rains...

So I have a job. And Ryan has a job. Well two actually.
He finally got a call from this place he used to work back in the day and they hired him back.
Its here in Jasper, but since we wont be going to school for who knows how long, its better than commuting anywhere else.
And he decided that since we have to pay student loans while we are not in school that he should get two jobs. So he went back to CVS (midwest Rite-Aid) where he used to work when I met him to get a part-time job. They love him there. So when they were looking for a pharmacy tech and he said "why dont you hire my wife" they did. No questions, no interview, no experience. LOL.
I mean theres a DVD and you gotta pass a test. Im not that worried about it.
So three jobs in one day.
When it rains...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Town Crier

I dont remember when I became a crier. I remember distinctly laughing at my mom when she would cry at Hallmark commercials. I want to know when it happened to me.

Did it happen to you?

Ive decided, I think, that I was not old enough to understand love or want, therefore comprehend loss or disappointment really so I could not grieve. Or maybe I've only become more of an empath as ive gotten older.

I cry for lost fathers and spouses. I cry for deployed husbands and fathers. I cry for estranged mothers and daughters. All of these things I see on TV or hear in and song and I weep. Not just tear but weep.

I cried on Saturday. Most of the way home from Louisville I cried. I dont recommend crying while driving. But there was construction and no shoulder. None the less I survived.
This time it was a different cry. I havent really been upset about the situation here.

We have been here a month with no real jobs. Ryan is so depressed with guilt because of everything that he is barely trying. He doesnt realize hes depressed so he wont talk to me about it. He wont see Noah. Im driving an hour and forty five minutes to work a terrible job that pays 8 dollars an hour for 16 hours a week. Just to have some income. And we missed the deadline for FAFSA, it passed while we were busy trying to move so now we dont get to go to school for a whole year.

All of this I had taken, or so I thought, with calm and reserve and patience. I was not angry, I was not aggravated.

But you know what set me off? HGTV's 10 Best Kitchens ... it doesnt seem germane I know.

I got mad at God that I was never going to own a Viking Range. That because I was married to a man who could live in a cave and be happy and we lived in the middle of nowhere where there were no jobs and we were never going to finish school and I would never have a job that made any money and I would never have a kitchen with Italian tile and marble counters and a Viking range and then I got angry that I felt sinful for wanting all of those things but dammit I wanted them. So I cried ... isnt that silly?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Chasing the Goose

Laura sent me an awesome opportunity. Well, I didnt think it was so awesome at the time, at the time it was just a free book. But God know...


Laura sent me this email about a blog tour. Mark Batterson has a new book and if you have a blog and will agree to review the book on your blog, you can get a free copy of the book to review. So I emailed and I guess my blog passed the test, cause I got the book.

The plot...

I dont know who Mark Batterson is. Well, I did, but not by name. I knew that there was this church in DC that met at Union Station and Laura was absolutely over the moon about it. They have a phenomenal pastor, and great worship team and a unique outreach approach. Thriving congregation people our age and she collects his books.

Enter God...

So I email. Agree to review this book, because Laura says I should, simply on the argument that I have nothing better to do and on her word that it will be a good book and that she wants it when I am done with it (any body sensing a sub plot? :-))
So I get the book. And I start to read. And I'll be a monkeys uncle if God did say, "Hey Laura, theres a book that you want and you dont have a blog so why dont you get Tina to get it for you." Just because I needed to read the book. I mean it was that specific.

So the title is Wild Good Chase and it is about the reasons that we dont go after God when we see that we should. I intend to blog more heavily in the future, but I am not finished and have had to speed read just to get to chapter five so I dont feel I can do what I have read justice. Since today is the day of obligation according to the publisher or whatever let me say this:

I know that I have a purpose. A very specific calling that I have been being crafted for my entire life. I have had a word. Someone else had a vision. This has been confirmed with my own heart, events in my life and my own gifts and desires.

I have two problems with this: Ryan. If my husband is not a christian, he cannot share my calling can he? I have screwed up my path. I know that God can fix it but...

And the fact that I really dont know how to prepare myself to do what I am supposed to do. There are not practical applications. I dont know how to go to school for it. I dont know where to volunteer for it. In short. I dont know what to do. I guess its good because at the end of the day, I have to say that anything that gets done is God's strength and not my own.

Many of you may have questions. If you dont know what I am talking about, you may feel upset that I have never told you. I have tried not to tell anyone. I dont want to have questions asked. I dont want anyone to ask me what I am doing about what I am supposed to be doing.

But I do know that I have obviously seen the Goose. And now, I dont know what to do. But I have admitted it to myself. So maybe thats a step.

If you want to check out the book:


Most of us have no idea where we’re going most of the time. Perfect.

“Celtic Christians had a name for the Holy Spirit–An Geadh-Glas, or ‘the Wild Goose.’ The name hints at mystery. Much like a wild goose, the Spirit of God cannot be tracked or tamed. An element of danger, an air of unpredictability surround Him. And while the name may sound a little sacrilegious, I cannot think of a better description of what it’s like to follow the Spirit through life. I think the Celtic Christians were on to something….

Most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time. And I know that is unsettling. But circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name: Adventure.” --from the introduction.

Author Bio:

Mark Batterson is the lead pastor of Washington, DC’s National Community Church, widely recognized as one of America’s most innovative churches. NCC meets in movie theaters at metro stops throughout the city, as well as in a church-owned coffee house near Union Station. More than seventy percent of NCC’ers are single twentysomethings who live or work on Capitol Hill. Mark is the author of the best-selling In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day and a widely read blogger ( He lives on Capitol Hill with his wife, Lora, and their three children.

Or pick it up at

Friday, August 15, 2008

Litmus Testing

Ryan and his mom were talking about his T-Shirts a couple of nights ago. The four of us tend to gather on the back porch (the house has a large over hang that makes it somewhat sheltered) during twilight hours and talk hither and thither. They are all smokers (Ryan reverts here) and I enjoy sitting among them and listening, free to join in, there's no awkwardness, or just be still in the semi out of doors. (It is a pity Mz. Lee that they are not wine drinkers or life would be grand indeed). Im waxing narrative…

About the T-Shirts… Ryan has quite a collection of shirts with sundry sayings such as, "The urge to flee came suddenly," or "I gave my word to stop at third… XYZ Abstinence campaign 1987." and on and on. My personal favorite is, "Free sex and ice cream" which is I believe the title of a book by some author no one has ever heard of but him, or some such nonsense. So Denise asks him why the shirts and he says, "Well they are kinda like a litmus test. Mostly you are gonna get frowns and furrowed brows but every once in while, you get that dawning and the, "Dude, I totally read that book!" smile. Then you know who your friends are.

While, of course, my husband would hardly pursue a relationship with anyone, whether they got his T-Shirt or not is another episode.

But don’t we all do litmus testing? I do.

Used to be first thing out of our mouth between Laura and I when a new person came to our group was, "Yes but do they know the first rule of Fight Club?" LOL

Dog people like dog people, People who have kids are drawn to people who have kids. Cat people dont like dog people.

My most natural and first litmus testing was to be cruelly sarcastic to a new person I met to see if they got my sense of humor. Of course, getting my sense of humor and being willing to take an onslaught such as I would deal them are not the same thing and it was thus decided, not unfairly, that I was a great bitch, until people got to know me, which of course, most chose not to.

I thought of litmus testing this morning while making garlic oil for my scrambled eggs. Who among you does not keep Olive Oil in your kitchen? Or more truthfully, thinks that they could do without it? I used to be the traveling chef amongst a group or friends. I had to start carrying my pantry and utensils in my vehicle after one fateful event where I tried to "whip up" some dinner at a friend's house and ended up in tears trying to cut potatoes with a butter knife. It would never occur to me that there are people in the world who could live there whole existence without cooking oil and frying oil and olive oil, but im living in the home of one of them now. There was no church key here, no cheese slicer, no wine opener, no edgeless can opener, no pastry knife, no offset spatula, no wooden spoons. Who can live in a land like this? For me, the kitchen is a litmus test.

Another good example is my tattoo. Many of you may not even know I have one. I have decided to no longer tell anyone what it means. To really do it justice, it involves a long story, and then it is only truly appreciate if you are a great geek as I am at heart. And I say this is a litmus test because if you are a great geek then I should only have to say one sentence and dawning would rush like a great tide and I would have to tell the entire story. But let me say, I have yet met only one person who ever understood directly. And I was sad because it was a stranger in passing and I shall never meet them again. But from now on I am only going to tell those who ask that it is a litmus test and if they pass, then they shall know. No one then, of course, shall know. Or if they do, I shall be very afraid.

Don't fret, for posterity, dear reader, and for all dear Josh's and the Triad's glory, I shall tell it one last time. But not today, this post is long enough.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Books on Tape

Since we are commuting for what I have resigned is two hours, I went to the library on Friday and got some books on tape. Crime and Punishment for him and Jane Eyre for me. I also got one fun thing for each of us, Garrison Keillor comedy show and some chick-lit book that looked amusing.
And then, I have come to a fatal flaw in my plan. I have commuted to Louisville twice with my CD's and now dont wish to get out of my car.
You see, I dont just read books. I consume them. And if I dont find them consumable by chapters three or four, then I dont finish them at all. There is rarely a "powering through" if you will. In fact, the only book that I found intolerable but I finished was Bram Stoker's Dracula. If, in fact, I have committed to reading them, I have committed to finishing them in entirety, usually in one sitting. I find it impalatable to work, or sleep or even dress when I am mid-book. I tend to stay up until I finish them, I have read at stop lights, in bathrooms, even with book under keyboard when I was supposed to be working. So now, with Jane Eyre caught with a torrent of love for her master and I with no commute tomorrow, am dumbfounded and about to go to check out the book from the library simply to have it finished. Which, of course, defeats the purpose. And the library, is closed as it is seven o'clock leaving me wonting and simpering and really very vexed.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

My Little Ponies

Well I have a job. Well its not really a job. More like an internship, in sense that it will cost me as much money to do the job as I will make.

I found a farm near Louisville that breeds race horses. I start working in their barn tomorrow for a whopping $7.50 for 15-20 hours a week. When you consider that my commute at this moment is 80 miles each way... You do the math.

But its an foot in the door of the thing that I think that I want to do when I grow up. If nothing else, I get to play with the ponies.
6 of them are carrying now. I hope I get to see one borned!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Seven Things

Seven is the number of:

New CD's I made for the drive to Cincinnati -
1.) Katy Perry
2 & 3.) Death Cab for a Cutie - Narrow Stairs & Plans
4.) Ben Folds - Rockin the Suburbs
5.) Regina Spektor - Begin to Hope (Mixed with Hot Hot Heat)
6 & 7.) Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs - Fever to Tell and Show Your Bones

Times my husband has preferred me this week:
1.) We've played tennis in the middle of the day (yikes!) twice this week because I'm bored.
2.) He took apart and stored the 6 ft in diameter bean bag chair that his sister left his our closet.
3.) He crawled in the trailer (metal) in the middle of the day to find my black dress shoes.
4.) He stopped reading to help me beat Mario 2. (We have a classic Nintendo in our room)
5.) He let me tag along when he went job hunting so that I wouldnt be bored even though he wanted to go alone.
6.) He didnt say a word when I over drew the checking account last week because I thought
I got paid on the 30th and I got paid on the 31st.
7.) He is careful not to monopolize the computer.

The number of Jobs in the entire Sunday paper that I am actually qualified for (unless you count cherry picking... and thats not a joke)
1.) Imellizzerri's Pizza Kitchen is hiring servers.
2.) Doctors office needs friendly, but not experienced people.
3.) Blue Jean Job - Company car; promises 1000K per week. No word on what you have to deliver.
4.) Housepainters
5.) Mailroom sorters - this is temporary
6.) Household manager - this looks promising, I have done some personal assisting.
And my personal favorite...
7.) Son of a Sailor Seafood is also hiring servers.