Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Drowning My Sorrows

"Aw… you're having a quarter life crisis. That’s so cute." Heather Lee says to me the other day as I am on the phone crying to her about one of the myriad of things I have been depressed about off and on in my life recently.

You know how you make lists of things that you wanted to do with your life by the time you were XYZ?

Well, I do not:

1.) Play the piano or guitar

2.) Speak three plus languages

3.) Own a luxury sedan

4.) Travel to Europe regularly

5.) Have a body that looks good in lingerie

6.) Fence

7.) Own a weapon I feel confident using

I could go on.

So heres the thing… and I want responses here people.

A.) Am I the only one that is crawling out of my skin going why am I wasting away, then feeling totally insane for thinking that I need any of this stuff?

B.) How do you reconcile the fact that we are wives, mothers, servants, i.e. not given to our own pursuits? I mean, I love my husband. He is my best friend and he knows me and still loves me and were happy. That’s a rare thing. I get that. But I feel like the price I pay for having a happy home is … ME. And theres no guarantee, I know, just because I want those things does not mean I get to have them. My pursuits are my pursuits and I will give them up to God and His will again so even there, why is my head wrapped up in these things I think I want that wont make me happy anyway. Ugh…

C.) Am I wrong for thinking that I shouldn’t pursue any of those things in as much as Ryan doesn’t mind. I mean he doesn’t care. I can take guitar lessons. He certainly would support me. Except this nagging thing in my head that says all that time spent in a pursuit to satisfy my own vanity is not money or time well spent away from my home.

Whats a girl to do?

3 comments:

Katie Paulus said...

I totally understand! I think this may be a common area of struggle amongst young married-without-children women. Or, better yet, with me. I would love to take up ballet again, but right now just isn't the right time.

Remember that the Lord loves you and wants good for you. That may, right now come in the form of putting aside your interests for that of your husband's, or finding some way of incorporating him for the glory of the Lord. Or, it may be to pursue said interests with your husband's blessing and enjoy the gift the Lord has given you.

But remember to check your heart. If the things that you're pursuing come in the way of serving your husband (primarily) or your household (like your kitchen is always a mess because your don't have time between guitart lessons) then you may have a heart issue. Your husband and your house are your first priotity, as we are called in Scripture to see them as. But the Proverbs 31 woman doesn't stay at home!!!! (Well, not all of the time.) She's resourceful. As are you. She makes the time to get things done. She sells her wares in the market (hail to all ebay women!). She's not a boring, passionless shrimp of a woman. She a renassaince woman!

So if your husband gives the go ahead, check your heart and your motives and then GO AHEAD!! Fence away!

Love you! Sorry if I rambled. :) And, also, you can completely disagree with me. :D

Rebekah Judd said...

Amen to what Katie Paulus said. Remember that emotional breakdowns and restlessness are also part of the moving process. Wait six months, and you'll feel more rational. Miss You!

Anonymous said...

"what's a girl to do?"

Get in the kitchen and make some cookies.


OK, so that was a lame joke....


Just do it. You only live once, and God knows and loves you and wants you to pursue things that make you happy. It's not selfish if it's not displeasing to Him. It is, in fact, glorifying. So do it already!!!


-Josh Blumenthal