Making Friends

You know, I actually dont know that I like making friends. Not that that is a bizzare statement, but if youve known me for any length of time, you wont believe a word of it.
Its true. I love people. Which is contrary to most things I say in my blog. I like meeting new people. I like talking to new people. I like hearing their stories and learning about their lives and lessons theyve learned. I can do new people.
Its when new people arent so shiny anymore. Or more truthfully, when I am probably not so shiny any more. That I have always had the hardest time.
Heather Lee says its the fear of non reciprocation. Which is funny because how do you reciprocate with a leech? Perhaps thats a bit harsh, but i dont have many walls. The ones I do are high and close to my heart. People can come, are invited/dragged into my life with no thought to their needs or lines or social standards (mostly from my own lack of their concept) and before I know it, apparently Ive crossed a line into to psycho girl.
So I developed this bit. Im the transition friend. New to the church? Ill be your friend until you make your own. New to town? Ill take you out and show you all the places youll want to go with your friends when you make some. New to work? You can sit at my lunch table until you find your own place.
With this philosopy, the leaving is inevitable. The reciprocation is unexpected. Because its true, most people dissappoint. But then you can snatch everyone to your chest and hold them there.
I think I am like that little girl in the cartoons that just wants that kitty so bad, "to love, it and pet it, and hold it, and kiss it' that she drags it everywhere by they neck and all it wants is to get away from her.
Why am I posting this? Well I have been thinking about friends lately, probably because I have none near by. Mary (the girl whose party I went to a couple post ago) is good fun, but probably wont stick. She has her own life and its pretty busy.
I caught up with a couple friends at the reunion and thought perhaps we would start talking again, we used to be so close. At least I thought. Perhaps that was in my head as well.
And then there are a couple on the fringe, that you think, well all signs are positive, but dare I actually make a move. And then, how much is too much? And how to do it without letting any of the crazy slip out? Because they will proabably like me as long as I am normal, but lets just keep that crazy tucked away just in case.

Blogging for the Guilt of it

I havent blogged in awhile. I feel that my life is mindless. Part of that is true. Part of it is sharing every space with Ryan or his mom and sister doesnt leave you much time to ponder the universe and comment as usual. In that vein, I miss sitting at my desk at Hotel and Club. All the time in the world to think and comment. Oh well.

Yesterday was a gem of a day. We had a floating pharmacist. (Ryan asked about the anchoring. Sometimes I wonder about him, he puns as bad as my stepdad.) Anyway. This new pharmacist (hes not quite 30) cage fights in his free time. Even now I fail to say this with a straight face. And all the other girls in the pharmacy just thought he was the bee knees. Kept asking him how you get to be a cage fighter and telling him how he looked like The Rock (I thought 'more like A rock'). And I just stood there and shook my head and as the fauned and doted. And he thought he was everyones friend. Ordered pizza for us all (bbq chicken barf... i ate my ham sandwich) with his per diem and actually said to someone on the phone (well I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night so they let me be a pharmacist today). I almost actually said, "Its Holiday Inn EXPRESS jackass, if your gonna make the bad joke atleast get the punchline right.'
I think what really made me mad was I walked in and they were all bad mouthing the regular pharmacist, who I will admit is a big jerk, but in an expects you to know how to do your job without having to be told kinda way. And the new kid was just soaking it all in and saying "well if I ruled the world" type things.
Who does this? I mean honestly? People. They aggravate me.

Oh, and we spent several hours last night watching cable news shows to hear someone make a lame duck joke and no one did. Ryan actually yelled at the TV. It was hysterical.
"Lame Duck President dodges a shoe and no one can say 'Well that was a lame duck!'"
Bless his heart.

Playing Tag

Katie Paulus tagged me. The object I suppose is randomness. In this particular game of tag, participants upload the fifth picture in the fifth file of their photos and post them to their blog.
So heres mine:
It was a day last summer when Noah was visiting. We were down at the beach and Ryan was playing in the water with him. I was off on a walk taking random photos and this particular files has several hundred. Ryan and I have a hobby where go out photo seeking. We take hundreds of random photos and then choose the best to be in our black and white gallery in our home. This one did not make the cut. But you never know when one will, so you dont cut out, you cut in, just in case. I thought if I could catch this kite, open full in a graceful moment it might be nice. I shot it in 18 frames with nothing use able. Its all a waiting game. But then, lots of great photos are.

I tag Heather Lee and Missy Wetherington.

Home

I am going home. But I am home. This is a complex thought to me. I am sitting at Scott and Heathers. My second house. I have spent this week with ten years worth of friends whom I have shared with and loved and grown with. Im in Virginia Beach. Last night, watching the water from Norfolk's Waterside, I was instantly immersed in my city, watching the world from the most familiar of vantage points.
This week has been surreal. Driving in my city but in a car thats not mine. Living in a home that is familiar, sleeping without my husband. Seeing so many friends who's lives I cant share.
And while its been fun, and encouraging, and refreshing (although, exhausting) all I can think today is how I want to go home. To the place that is not my home. To the house that is not my home, to the city that is not my home, to the place that holds no friends.
So while all week, my first response to "hows Indiana" has been a scowl and a complaint, I must admit, my heart lives there. And while I have him to "go home" to I have much to be thankful for.

Personality

Rachel Maddow apparently has gone on vacation. I know this means absolutely nothing to the rest of the world, but this puts a knot in my drawers. And its not even that she has gone on vacation, every body needs a vacation, but its the fact that she had someone sit in and do her show. AND SHES TERRIBLE. This is highly disappointing. I mean, its the news. But its the news with a great host, a personality which is why I watch the show, that and I have a girl crush on her. But its real news not like the Daily Show where they can just rerun. But you dont ever see Jon Stewart let Jon Oliver sit in for him do you? Not that that wouldnt be great. As long as it wasnt Rob Riggle. *Shiver*

The Problem With People...

Okay so I have said before that I dont like people. That is a generalization.
I like individuals, but I dont like people. Kinda like how I am racist but I have black friends...long story.
Anyways, my job is not helping this "I hate people" mentality I have.
So heres the thing:
I have a problem with government subsidized programs. Because people dont seem to get off them. <---Aside
And mainly I have a problem with people who come into my pharmacy and want to not get a prescription because they have to pay for it.

Conversation:
Me: I have NINE prescriptions for you Mrs. Jones and that will be $6.00.
Mrs. Jones: I dont pay for my prescriptions.
Me: Medicare doesnt cover this ONE.
Mrs. Jones: I dont want it then.
Me: Do you want to know what it is?
Mrs. Jones: Is it my Lortab?
Me: No
Mrs. Jones: Then I dont want it.

Never mind that it was a cough syrup for her kid. Or worse an antibotic plus steroid cause the kids bronchitis is worse.

SIX DOLLARS!!
My copay for my migraine pills is SIXTY!
Much less the fact that they are getting nine scripts for a measley six bucks.
OMG!
If I have never before wanted to physically hurt a stranger, I now know why people kill other people.
That I work, now at a menial, retail, practically minimum wage job, so that my tax dollars can pay for these people to sit on there obese or cracked out rears (because it seems to me that people who abuse the medicare system also abuse food and or drugs) so they can not even pay less than they do for fast food to not get medicine for their CHILDREN but have free XANAX...
And then they have the nerve to get huffy with me when they dont pay attention to how many refills they have or whether or not their prescription is expired or just the fact that they actually had to wait for the sweet old lady in front of them who has to pay $197.87 a month for her Crestor to finish writing her check.
Sometimes, I would not mind stabbing them with my pen, just to watch them bleed.
This I understand is far from anything like a Christian attitude. Maybe if I had XANAX I wouldnt be so hateful. LOL

No Wing and a Prayer

I have been invited to a party. Nothing terribly exciting. Its a Tastefully Simple party hosted by one of the Pharmacists. Shes about my age and when to college near Indianapolis. That qualifies as having lived in an actual city. And she has a horse. And shes single. And catholic but in a postmodern were all Gods children fashion. So thats quasi-Christian I suppose.
So far I like her. More than most people I have met around here.

Ryan has decided it would be good for me to go this party. "If I like her, maybe I will like her friends." <--- Translates, Maybe he wont have to be my only friend.

But that leaves me going to a party solo. I hate going to a party solo. You should always at least have a wing man. I am a firm believer in creating your own sub-party.

Laura and went to this murder-mystery dinner thing with our community theater and spent all night flirting outlandishly with this handsome 40 something gentleman, and had a fabulous evening with people who were all friends with each other and barely knew us. But it was one of the best parties I have ever been to because we created our own event.

So alas, I am going, telling myself I can be fabulous by myself. With my bottle of Yellow Tail. And a little hope in my heart.