Making Friends

You know, I actually dont know that I like making friends. Not that that is a bizzare statement, but if youve known me for any length of time, you wont believe a word of it.
Its true. I love people. Which is contrary to most things I say in my blog. I like meeting new people. I like talking to new people. I like hearing their stories and learning about their lives and lessons theyve learned. I can do new people.
Its when new people arent so shiny anymore. Or more truthfully, when I am probably not so shiny any more. That I have always had the hardest time.
Heather Lee says its the fear of non reciprocation. Which is funny because how do you reciprocate with a leech? Perhaps thats a bit harsh, but i dont have many walls. The ones I do are high and close to my heart. People can come, are invited/dragged into my life with no thought to their needs or lines or social standards (mostly from my own lack of their concept) and before I know it, apparently Ive crossed a line into to psycho girl.
So I developed this bit. Im the transition friend. New to the church? Ill be your friend until you make your own. New to town? Ill take you out and show you all the places youll want to go with your friends when you make some. New to work? You can sit at my lunch table until you find your own place.
With this philosopy, the leaving is inevitable. The reciprocation is unexpected. Because its true, most people dissappoint. But then you can snatch everyone to your chest and hold them there.
I think I am like that little girl in the cartoons that just wants that kitty so bad, "to love, it and pet it, and hold it, and kiss it' that she drags it everywhere by they neck and all it wants is to get away from her.
Why am I posting this? Well I have been thinking about friends lately, probably because I have none near by. Mary (the girl whose party I went to a couple post ago) is good fun, but probably wont stick. She has her own life and its pretty busy.
I caught up with a couple friends at the reunion and thought perhaps we would start talking again, we used to be so close. At least I thought. Perhaps that was in my head as well.
And then there are a couple on the fringe, that you think, well all signs are positive, but dare I actually make a move. And then, how much is too much? And how to do it without letting any of the crazy slip out? Because they will proabably like me as long as I am normal, but lets just keep that crazy tucked away just in case.